i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He has the fingertips of a God
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