forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
