My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
A bitchslap is in order.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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