She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
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