I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
