I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
