it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
