haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
