Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
