I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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