I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I will die if light touches me.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
