please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
