i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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