someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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