I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
