well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
