I am puke
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
