I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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