On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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