He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
