Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
