Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
