I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
