i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
