Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
