You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
