Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
