DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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