If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The air taste purple.
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