Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
