Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
