so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
