new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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