does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Randomize
