Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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