I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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