she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
