apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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