Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I need to align my fucking chakras
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
