First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
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