Buhtt sex?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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