ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
