i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
