she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
