I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
