I think I died a long time ago.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
