Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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