I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
