Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
