I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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