i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
